HELLO ANGELA!

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 03:28:29 GMT

so yeah. concert was decent. i thought i had pit but i really had club box which was odd i dont know how i got them. i dont even like panic! but it was fun as hell. just their whole stage show was sweet.
drinking and being with shann was alot of fun too. i love her <3

brian continued to be a dick. the highlight was def the day before thanksgiving. i text him and say happy thanksgiving and whatever cause im nice. hours later i get a text back saying not to bother him, followed by asking me to come stay in ac with him cause thats where he was, then when i say no cause u hate me...he gets mad. really? dumb
then today he texts me "go bother joe or tom you hypocrite". thats funny on a few levels. one because he is getting mad like we were dating at some point. two because that means he has been reading my away messages or something to even know who joe and tom are. and three i love how he assumes because i mention boys it means im getting with them. and if i was? why the hell does he care. hes the one being a dick.
and i told him that it was a dumb thing to say. joe is just this really awesome gay guy i work with. we went to highschool together. and tom, is tom. im not sure what tom is but he took me to the movies yeterday night which makes me happy.

but yeah people make me feel like im a whore.

and me and ryan are attempting so hard to hang out but it always gets fucked up.

maybe i should not hang out with anyone of the opposite sex for a bit.

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 20:56:45 GMT

brian isnt talking to me? for the record i didnt do anything. i made a comment about him getting with other people and i think he got offended. oh well.
ryan came out of no where today and said he wants to hang out. im like whatever. everytime ive tried to see him one of us blows the other off.
and v asked me to go see his new place and sleep over?

life is random.
i still want brian to stop being a dick and talk to me.

concert tonight.
bloc party isnt going to be there but i get plain white t's instead.

and drinking with shannon <3

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:11:11 GMT

i go thru phases with livejournal. i write it in all the time then im like meh im bored. no one really cares what i did today. no one really reads this, Yess jessica i know you do :)

REGARDLESSSSSSSSSS

i went to the brand new/dashboard show.
me and gator made up.
i slept at brians.
we didnt have sex.
GO ME.
but i did fri morning with someone else.
boo!
i kinda like brian. but im smart enough to know it wont go anywhere.
therefore im not gonna do anything dumb.
oh, at the show me and gator got into a screaming match with this bitch. but it was ok we were defending another girl whose own friends werent helping her. i heart concert love <3 people should be nicer all the time.
also, gator found a boy she wanted at the show so i went to talk to the boys friend about hooking them up. cause its like whatever, its a concert im never gonna see u again if u dont like my friend. as it turns out they were like 23 and gator is 19 so that was a no. but the guy i talked to ended up being fuckin beautiful.
concerts make me happy.
oh and i got my snow patrol tickets bitch

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 03:39:59 GMT

man drama loves me.
some shit went down involving brian and gator and kristen and blah blah. it was dumb dumb dumb. i am a big girl i can make my own choices i dont need people trying to protect me. and this was all done thru texting which is what makes it extra funny. all is well now b/w me and brian at least. gator and i havent talked since then. which is weird cause we are supposed to go to the show tomorrow. which brian just told me he got a ticket too :) and we are hanging out after. i think im sleeping over? he wants to go to AC in the morning.

oh and jim is coming over tomorrow morning.
im fuckin DUMB

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 21:43:38 GMT

DUDE

everything is coming up Angela today

for real

i rock

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 21:59:08 GMT

today i got trained by this boy i went to highschool with. hes nice. maybe now theres one person in this place i dont hate or that doesnt hate me. i want to read this boy he was reading. i think it was called Glamorama? its about one of the characters in the movie Rules of Attraction. our boss made us get a camera and use it so i could develop it. we just took a bunch of dumbass pictures of us. whatever, im getting paid.

jcp called me twice today. oops. once while i was at work and once while i was on break from work. i think im just not going to answer. this place better not screw me and i could have kept with jcp.

and im really really tired of school. you couldnt understand how much i dont want to be there. and i burnt the fuck outta my finger yesterday with the curling iron.it still hurts today which is ballsack. thank god for my girls that keep me laughing and smiling otherwise id die....did i just said "my girls"? wow.

fri is brand new.
sun is bloc party.
march 24th snow patrol is coming around....hmm.
im excitied about everything.
esp since me and shannon are getting trashed before the show on sun.

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 22:29:44 GMT

Last night with Brian was nice. wasnt horribly uncomfortable or weird. he paid which was cute. hes nice. he asked if i want to see him again so i guess thats good? i dont understand boys so you know.

work....hmm.
well first off i didnt show up to jcp today. just flat out didnt go. no call no show. whatever.
went to work at 830. watched videos til 10. got trained by a girl i went to highschool with so that wasnt so bad. then she left at 2. i ran everything by myself til 430. their register isnt hard and even the photolab isnt bad. just all the chemical shit i have to learn.

OH i get a call at 4 am last night from jim asking why again i didnt pick up his calls. he likes to pretend he called then blame me for not answering. he said he wanted to know if i wanted to hang out before he had work. im sorry didnt you just tell me how much you hate me and plan on ruining my chances at this job? OHHHH he was just kidding. silly me, how dare i not find that hysterical. when he finally came to work he didnt say shit to me, SHOCK.

i work tues-thurs 830-whenever i want to leave. then fri and sat i have off cause i told them i had work at jcp. really i have a concert and i wanna relax sat. sun i have another concert. court was supposed to be tues but it got moved to the 28th. i saw my judge at work today, hes sweet.

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 22:38:20 GMT

I know how i am.
I go from boy to boy.
There are breaks in b/w but short ones...weeks maybe months if im lucky.
I know i need to stop. I should be a nice single girl.
I say this as im waiting for my curling iron to heat up because im going out with Brian tonight.
Damnit!
I suck.
I dont like going to the movies with boys.
I never know if im supposed to pay or if its considered a date?
I have been lucky that the boy always pays and informs me afterwards it was offically a date.
But i hate the confusion.
-----------------------
X JiMDAViS (5:29:22 PM): Stacey is training you
X JiMDAViS (5:29:23 PM): I think
roseflamez (5:29:26 PM): nicole
X JiMDAViS (5:29:30 PM): Oh nicole
X JiMDAViS (5:29:37 PM): Your gonna get fired
roseflamez (5:29:41 PM): and why is that
X JiMDAViS (5:29:46 PM): Someones gonna report you for being arrested
roseflamez (5:29:54 PM): oh and i wonder who that person would be
X JiMDAViS (5:29:58 PM): Not me
roseflamez (5:30:02 PM): who else knows?
X JiMDAViS (5:30:10 PM): Someone else who works there
roseflamez (5:30:14 PM): who did you tell
X JiMDAViS (5:30:23 PM): Your mother
roseflamez (5:30:28 PM): thats nice jim
roseflamez (5:30:47 PM): so god forbid i worked with u, now ur gonna get me fired
X JiMDAViS (5:30:53 PM): You wont be workign with me
X JiMDAViS (5:30:57 PM): you will barely see me
roseflamez (5:30:58 PM): so why make a big deal
X JiMDAViS (5:31:12 PM): Cause i enjoy making you miserable?
X JiMDAViS (5:31:13 PM): I dunno lol
roseflamez (5:41:39 PM): are you really going to try to get me fired jim
X JiMDAViS (5:42:10 PM): Yes
roseflamez (5:42:16 PM): your being serious
X JiMDAViS (5:42:20 PM): 101%
roseflamez (5:42:23 PM): why
X JiMDAViS (5:42:40 PM): Cause I dont liek you
roseflamez (5:42:45 PM): thanks
roseflamez (5:43:39 PM): thats so fuckin pety of you
X JiMDAViS (5:43:42 PM): So
roseflamez (5:43:51 PM): so why do u need to fuck up my life
X JiMDAViS (5:44:02 PM): Cause its histerical

im sorry- this is the boy i was in love with? that i wasted 3 years of my life with? that i was going to marry? wow. i really know how to pick them.
well i guess that solves the mystery as to if he knows im working with him.
fuck this boy.
why do i date these boys who seem so great and end up being the most immature fucks ever? i dont think one single ex of mine turned out to be a real winner.

i love greys anatomy.

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 19:55:15 GMT

"It comes in waves. There's a lull and then another wave hits you. I just wanted you to know that its okay not to be fine sometimes."

"It's not waves, it's constant. All the time."

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 01:35:57 GMT

i missssss:

working at stop and shop. all the customers and co workers and really funny times. snowball fights inside, dancing and singing--everything

debbie. our roadtrips and movie dates. texting 24/7. pop quiz games. all around goodtimes.

massi. him and everyone from work. i talked to him last night which made me feel better but still. its not the same anymore.

kenny. wah! our tacobell trips literally everyday. meeting his cute but underaged friends. him playing drums for me. his dog!

jenn. she makes me buy girly clothes.

a lot of people from highschool. most i didnt think i would. i really miss paulette. we see eachother like once every 6 months. last time was when i got my neck tattoo.

i act so antisocial but im kinda not. i enjoy people i just get nervous and quiet sometimes. but i really miss these people. i should be more...proactive? i cant think of a good word.

i also miss going to the movies 4976 times. movies make me happy. if i go with debbie or gator or the boyfriend of the week, its just nice. im going tonight to see saw 3. maybe that will make my happy.

mutemath makes me happy too. i think im gonna go to their show.
speaking of concerts, im trying to get brian to go with us to the brand new show. i think hes mad at me? he asked me to go to the movies last night, which i so would have done as you can tell by my rant about movies, but i didnt notice his text until later. then today he asked me to go to AC with him to watch him play poker? i cant. its friday. friday =gator time. plus what would i get out of watching him win money? now i think hes mad.

boys hate me.

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 20:06:41 GMT

Sometimes people are the strongest when they have no one to hold them up

oh baby i never left

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 03:06:04 GMT

im dumb :x

showbruises: haha i just came up with a funny thing
showbruises: instead of jk you could do jfk
showbruises: haha i'm lammmme
roseflamez: dead men arent funny
showbruises: they are a little
roseflamez: HHAAHA
showbruises: not jfk per se
showbruises: but other dead men
roseflamez: wow i just bust out laughing
showbruises: say....hitler
roseflamez: you know what thats right. when i think of hitler, i giggle a little
showbruises: hahaha
roseflamez: dead jews....fire showers...har har
showbruises: oh geez
showbruises: too farrrr haha
roseflamez: HAHA dont i always go too far
roseflamez: it was actually sarcasim but funny nonetheless
showbruises: lol it's why i <3 you
roseflamez: in case when i die and im standing in front of satan i forget why im there
roseflamez : Man needed surgery after sex with hedgehog he ended up in an operating theatre after the hedgehog's needles left his penis severely lacerated.
roseflamez : thought u would enjoy
showbruises :oh geez
showbruises: beastiality is awesome
roseflamez : and guess who just got a seat next to me in hell
showbruises: HAHAHA
showbruises : you, me, hedgehog guy and hitler should double
roseflamez : i call hitler!
showbruises : damnit
showbruises : why do i have to get the severely lacerated penis
roseflamez : because hitler breeds superior races
roseflamez: am i really this dumb
showbruises : yes, and it's okay.
showbruises : JFK<3
roseflamez : im gonna go put my helmet back on
showbruises: i'm totally copyrighting that shit.
roseflamez : is it wrong my mind is racing about with thought of nick lachey and britney
showbruises : oh god
showbruises : if that happens
showbruises: i will like commit mass murder
roseflamez : hahaha or mass masturbation
roseflamez : ok im sorry that sucked i can do better
roseflamez : She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning he'll be well sneakered until at least a year from now.
showbruises: lol "sneakered in" ?
roseflamez : hahaha just sneakered. like he wont be walking around shoeless like jesus
showbruises : welcome back to hell
roseflamez : oh baby i never left
roseflamez : john once told me about this idea he had for a painting which i would SO buy
roseflamez: we were talking about hell/heaven/purg...it was hitler,lincoln, and like some random good guy whos name i forget...all chillin in purg reading better homes and gardens
roseflamez: like waiting room style
roseflamez : well of course he explained it much better i kinda forget. but u would have wanted to buy it if u were there
showbruises : haha surrrrrre
showbruises : jfk
roseflamez : is it wrong that i just keep thinking
roseflamez : back and to the left
roseflamez : back and to the left
showbruises: what is thattt
roseflamez: HAHAHA man it would have been hysterical if u got the reference
showbruises : sorry i'm brainless
roseflame: in highland we had to watch a movie on it and everytime they would show the clip of him getting shot they would say back and to the left as his head went back and dur to the left. but they would say it over and over and show the shot on loop

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 21:05:07 GMT

Lets be nothing
I heard it lasts forever

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 03:55:30 GMT

first off ...my hair = adorable. i really like it. so you know its not completely horrible if im being positive about it. think aeon flux, thats where i got the idea from, but not black and i look nothing like charlize.

while im waiting to get my hair done my phone rings and its some number i never heard of? like a dumbass i answer it. its shoprite in marlton calling. i set up an interview but i have no intention of going. i know i should because i will go back to making kick ass money. but i really am intrested in this phototech thing and i cant quit another job. i feel bad enough quiting jcp.

also, a helpful hint for any girls: dont listen to my advice! im the one who cant keep a decent relationship. when i give you advice for your boyfriend...DO THE OPPOSITE. in class today shannon was mad cause her boyfriend didnt want her to sleep over. i told her to tell him it was ok cause she was going to the party to my house. not a big deal. make the boy jealous all is well. but then we were talking about how girl on girl action is acceptable but guy on guy just automatically makes people think your gay. so i said oh you should tell him hes gay and thats why he doesnt want you to sleep over. dude, it was so a joke. no she actually tells him that. next thing you know they are fighting. guys do NOT like being called gay. then he was like "fine fuck this we are done". im like oh shit i just caused a breakup. people need to realize when im kidding.

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 01:38:48 GMT

ok first off- i hate that halloween is just an excuse to dress like a slut. wait, thats a lie. if i was in better shape i would so rock something slutty. actually, i would want to be Leeloo from the fifth element. but i would never.

tomorrow im getting all my hair cut off. i feel like this will end badly. but its hair, its grows back and thats why god made hats. if u dont see pictures around myspace it means it turned out bad xfive.

oh and i got a new job, again. i worked this morning and right after i went on an interview. the manager was really nice but he has the craziest most uncomfortable laugh in the history of life. he promised me more money then what im making at jcp and 40 hours. i would be like...the photolab tech? which is what i wanted to do anyway. problem being jim works there. and brad. and rich. and stacey. and ok thats all that makes it weird. but thats still enough to make me dread it. i didnt turn down the offer, that would be stupid. but im also not telling jim i got the job. he works in the pharmacy in the back i would be working up front. thats far enough away i suppose. im staying at jcp for now until i do my paperwork and all at this place. i feel bad for leaving. my manager asks my every hour if im quiting. they really really need the help and i do like it there. but i hate having to be there 5-6 am. walk around the mall in the freezing cold to this secret entrance. walk some flights of stairs...ok im complaining but its early and im tired and cold :( by the time i get home i cant sleep then i have school. at least at this place the earliest i have to be there is 830.

yesterday me and gator went to the cherryhill mall. i had to pick up stuff for work and wanted to do shopping. somehow i left without buying anything. i found this great shirts at h&m but then heather called me and i got distracted. she wants to hook me up with her friend chris who just got dumped. nothing says success then two people on the rebound.
i would really like luke, he was in my mind as my next adventure. luke has a girlfriend. balls!
maybe i should learn my lesson and be single.

meh

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 17:47:30 GMT

"in the old days all good writers were crazy, now no one is allowed to be crazy, and thats why there are no good writers." ---
-------------------
ivegotA12sidedDy (12:40:28 PM): where are u goin?
roseflamez (12:40:35 PM): my friend Kaci's
ivegotA12sidedDy (12:41:21 PM): i mean like is ur boyfriend there
roseflamez (12:41:25 PM): i dont have a boyfriend
ivegotA12sidedDy (12:41:33 PM): good girl now u gunna get lots of cock

sigh. boys :/ i kinda hate them all.
find me one thats not a pervert. its a shame because this boy would almost be cool if he wasnt...whatever he is that makes me vomit a little.

jim didnt come over today, thats a good thing.
i have to go to the cherryhill mall, i really dont want to.
im going to Kaci's tonight, i really do want to.
shannon cant come until way later, steph is being weird, kerry called this morning to say she might come, im picking up rodney and lindsey might come. if she doesnt then maybe alex will (that will be a mistake). i wish i didnt have work so early tomorrow or this wouldnt be so hard.

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 19:15:29 GMT

So um..wow. Getting your friends to IM me and tell me off? That's..what is the word im looking for..petty? Does petty even explain how immature that is? You are 20 years old. It did make me laugh but then i got sad. Not for me, for you. You are just a sad boy. I dont hate you, i dont feel anything but sorrow for you. In 5 years when the rest of us have lasting relationships or we are married or whatever the case may be, you will still be alone. And that, dear boy, is what i find sad. Loneliness is a depressing thing. Some people just find themselves alone for whatever reason but to go out and look to be alone, i just dont understand it. To each their own i guess.

And for all those who are following the saga that is my life- i still didnt do anything wrong and this whole thing is just more bizarre then i ever saw coming.

I could be a bitch and pass around his screenname and invited you all to harass him too--but im not like that. Its a nice feeling to know you are the better person. <3

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 20:41:26 GMT

Jerzeybadboy (3:20:50 PM): hello
Jerzeybadboy (3:20:58 PM): u dont gotta ignore me
Jerzeybadboy (3:21:48 PM): u there
Jerzeybadboy (3:22:10 PM): u have turned into a fuckin CUNT
Jerzeybadboy (3:22:30 PM): a fuckin whore
Jerzeybadboy (3:22:33 PM): and a fuckin bitch
Jerzeybadboy (3:23:34 PM): dont worry ill get even ok

Dude, did i just get threatened via aim?
I think that made my day.

Okay so if you know me then you know i have really weird dreams.
I havent had one in awhile but Sat i had one. I apparently got the job at Torrid and there was a concert going on there. Mad dark and loud. Then this guy, no lie it was Eric Mabius (from the l word, ugly betty and resident evil) but then he would also change into Matthew Davis (from what about brian). Its weird because i have a fangirl crush on both and they kinda look alike. And we partied and danced and i think we had sex. Then sun i had a dream that i was out with an ex, who shall remain nameless, and his friends were there. His friends were far more interested in me then he was. And we drank? Then i woke up. Then last night in my twisted head i partied with baby V and josh clark showed up? There was also a dead girl involved. Just weird how i keep dreaming about parties and random boys who i do actually find attractive in real life. Weird.
I wish josh clark wasnt such a scary stalker freak because otherwise i would have actually called him. Why are all the cool guys scary.

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 03:37:12 GMT

Yeah.
I finally stroll out of my house after ten to go to the police station. long story short- everything goes wrong and i end up in line after wrong line wasting time because no one knows what the hell they are doing. finally i bump into matt little. thank the lord. ends up with me getting put ahead of a room full of people awaiting trial. i had to stand up there and talk and it was uncomfortable to say the least. so i left and raced to work.

OH work. how you suck. not only do i find a way to be on time but the other girl is late so i have to wait. then we watch hours and hours of video. i think at one point i actually fell asleep. we go on break and this bitch is late coming back from break. why is she there for a job if shes gonna be retarded. so she comes back about 20 mins late. we finish more videos. tour the store. and meet the mildly attractive loss prevention guy. finally i get to leave but then i saw heather so we talked. sat i actually start real work. 5am bitches. bite me.

then school. thank god for me getting a new issue of spin in the mail. all i did in class was read that and talk to Kaci. then my teacher wants us to play whisper down the lane? i am paying thousands of dollars for this bullshit. needless to say after one game i walked out with Kary. then for the last 30 mins the group of us discussed crap rap vs. actual good hip hop. i kinda had a limited amount of knowledge or things to say. but it was nice nonetheless. i really love these guys.

this is long. does anyone actually read my dribble? no

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 14:35:52 GMT

This is me going to my first day of this new dumb job. Oh no actually, this is me sitting in a towel with soaking wet hair doing everything BUT going to my new dumb job. I cant explain how much im dreading this.

On a different note- i keep my expectations low thereby not being drastically upset when things dont go my way. But when i write a long ass rant of an email, i must say i expected something. Anything. A sentence of a response. No, nothing back. The part that sucks most is me having to go to class today. Everyone placed their bets on what would happen now i have to go inform everyone that they were wrong. For some reason people in my class give this boy undeserved credit. Telling me he would write back, text back or whatever. Meanwhile im the common sense whore who tells them they are retarded. Except for like two people, both boys of course, he put the idea of cheating in my head. Which works because now it makes sense. According to those boys- that party i didnt go to, i should have because he met somewhere there. Random but sensible. Now i can move on.

Speaking of...well nothing related...i spend all day pondering if i had the balls to do something drastic. Like idk, drive into a pole. Just to see if i could, you know? Then i almost didnt go to class. But i did and im glad i did. On break Shann, Steph, Kaci, Kary and Rodney jump in my car and we go for a ride. Windows down. Smoking. Singing along to horrible crap rap. And it was fun. This made me think that maybe things arent as horrible as i make them out to be.

Then i start to think thats a lie too.

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 20:24:18 GMT

dear camden, nj-
congrats. after two years of being the worst fuckin city in the us, you are now number five. i feel safer. how about you?

dear Jerzeybadboy -
first off may i just say your sn--charming as hell. how could i resist accepting your instant message. and im just curious, do lines like " i think ur really beautiful" or "and ur also bangin as hell" actually work for you? oh wait, im gonna guess no because if they did you wouldnt be hunting down girls from myspace. and this goes for all men, not just you mr.badboy, dont ask me if i have a boyfriend after you have talked to me for two seconds. do you think after i said "not since sat" that we will just lay. honestly come the fuck on. how lonely are you that after i say such gems as "well since u seem so charming and all.." or you tell me you try to be charming and i reply "try harder" you still keep going. if you werent so amusing you wouldnt have been worth the three seconds of time i gave you.

dear sex-
oh you silly little thing. i do hate you but i cant turn you down. you made my morning better...or much much worse...i havent decided yet. i think i need to be like a born again virgin. you can do that right? pfft.

dear job-
i start you tomorrow and already i hate you. something about standing around changing signs makes me want to drive into a pole. im hoping you at least supply me with some attractive men to admire. i have to be there at 6 and since it is the mall, im gonna have to dress half decent. who knows who you are gonna meet. HA. i dont even believe that.

and last

dear myspace boys who i actually choose to meet-
ive done this twice. the first time myspace boy nearly raped me. second boy broke my heart. tricky little buggers you are. tisk tisk.

oh wait one more

dear jim-
way to grow up a bit. letting me sulk about john. doing the hug thing while i cry. very..mature of you. and the whole teary eyed thing you did when you thought i had sex. adorable! sometimes you have a heart.

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 13:08:31 GMT

I spent the better part of this weekend in bed. I just wasnt in the mood to do shit. Since i normally never sleep it was nice.
So why am i awake right now?
...
Jim is on his way over. That sucks just to type that. I feel like ive taken a giant step backward. We were doing really well being distant. Last night we talked until nearly 3am. He asked about John, im still wondering how he knew (not like it would have been all that hard to figure out). He almost seemed upset by how upset i was with the whole situation. In the end im sure hes more happy that im back to being miserable and alone. How did my life become so screwed up? I offically stop caring. No one else does so...whatever.

Its gonna be a really intresting car ride home from school night.

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 03:29:50 GMT

Sometimes...

i make drunken phone calls :x

i should have my cellphone taken away from me.
after making said call, i deleted a ton of numbers of people i dont speak to or shouldnt speak to. That way this wont happen again. Thank god im really horrible at remembering phone numbers. All i recall is my parents (not even my sister)...and the person i called tonight.

Damn.

Damn.

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 19:02:43 GMT

Forget anything i said in the last few posts. Last night John broke up with me. I find it funny. This is what i get for trusting someone, for letting someone in. I had asked him countless times if he was ready for a relationship and i was reassured that he was. He wanted a lasting relationship, he was ready, it was different this time, he liked me blah blah. Last night i ask him again, he says he doesnt want to break up. Point two seconds later i say maybe he just wants a relationship so bad it didnt matter who he started it with. Maybe he is just trying to prove he can do it. And he says maybe im right. He wanted a mutual breakup, no its not mutual because i had nothing against him. Then he does the whole im sorry i didnt mean to hurt you speech. Thats false. How many times can you tell someone you care, look in their eyes and reassure them, and not mean it. You know you are going to hurt them. But it doesnt matter because hes not hurt, so everything is fine for him.

It also funny because he reminded me of Torres so much. I informed him of this. Like guys do, he told me hes not like that, he wouldnt hurt me like that. How dumb am i? Seriously. I cant believe i did this again. When am i going to learn my lesson? Guys are all the same.

There is only so many times you can have your heart broken before you stop trying to piece it back together.

The worst part is that he says he still wants to be friends. Well no, the worst part is i said okay. There is something about this boy that i dont want to lose. Not in a pathetic im gonna hang on hoping there is a chance we will get back together, thats not it at all. Im well aware he doesnt want that, he didnt say so but i know. Its just...he was a cool guy. Funny, smart and handsome. Someone that i could have been friends with if we didnt rush into this. It would be weird just being his friend because im not friends with any of my exs. Except for that randomness with Jim but thats outta my system. I told him im down with being friends but i dont know what will happen. It most likly was just one of those things guys say so they feel like they are being nice.

Oh, and this is the first boy i never lied to. The only white lie i told was about the whole club/party situation. He's really into that scene and i told him i wasnt. I made in extremely clear i didnt plan to go to any such event with him. I lied. Im down with parties, bars, clubs whatever. I just always felt like he would have more fun without me. If im not there he can hook up with whoever, i would never know. I felt like his invites were out of obligation instead of actually wanting me there with me. So i lied, i told him i hated it, im so antisocial and the like. I dont even consider that a big deal because my lie was to make him happier.

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 00:13:02 GMT

I NEED:

to learn how to keep my pants on

to not be mad and think everyone is a liar

to stop telling my parents thing, it only turns into a fight

to stop trying to keep friends that are cunts

to embrace my new friends

to stop being scared of new things

to get fucked up

:/